Many women who aren’t in steady relationships still think about having children. In fact, statistics from 2009 show that 40% of the US population come from single-parent families.
Some women choose to become single mothers because they believe it’s the only way they’ll have children, while others find themselves in that situation due to circumstances. One thing is for sure—being a single mother comes with unique challenges and requires thorough preparation to handle everything that comes with such a life-changing decision.
When a woman turns 35, her chances of getting pregnant are lower compared to when she was in her twenties. At that age, she might need a fertility specialist’s help to conceive. Artificial insemination is one option for women without a partner. This involves selecting a sperm donor, keeping in mind his legal rights as he likely won’t be a big part of the child’s life.
If a woman doesn’t get sole custody from the court, the father retains his right to be involved in the child’s life. Financial considerations are also crucial for any woman thinking about becoming a single mother, as raising a child is expensive. It’s important to have enough savings to cover at least six months’ rent and general household expenses, including utilities.
A friend of ours, Ellen (not her real name), shared a story that is common among single mothers. She loved sharing special moments with her child, yet sometimes wished there was a father around for their small family. Staying single through her thirties, Ellen felt her biological clock ticking and feared she might never have a child. Eventually, she decided to go it alone rather than wait any longer for the right man.
Ellen went through four years of fertility treatments, five IVF cycles, and three failed pregnancies, eventually spending about $54,000 to have her child. Her daughter was the joy of her life, although Ellen worried about how she’d manage financially. Living in a small flat, she often relied on friends’ husbands for help with tasks like fixing her computer or assembling furniture.
Ellen’s experience mirrors that of many single mothers. She struggles to find time for herself amid the daily routine of cleaning, dressing, and feeding her toddler. At the end of the day, there’s no father to help with bedtime routines or listen to how her day went.
Before she had her child, Ellen’s social life included dinners with friends, trips to the cinema, and enjoying a good book at home. Now, her life revolves around green tea, migraines, and exhaustion. She believes her soulmate is out there but lacks the time to find him. Despite the challenges, she has learned about courage, determination, and resilience.
Ellen has found reliable men to help with tasks like assembling IKEA furniture, but it’s not the same as having a father for her child. Once, her daughter’s teacher showed the class a picture of a man shaving and asked if anyone had a daddy who shaved every morning. Ellen’s daughter was confused since she didn’t have a dad to relate to the image.
All Ellen could do when her daughter shared the story was tell her how much she loved her. Ellen had realized that being a single mother is both challenging and rewarding. Parenting, especially as a single parent, brings joy, emotional ups and downs, and practical difficulties—but it’s undeniably worth it.
