Many women without steady relationships still think about having children. In fact, according to 2009 statistics, 40% of the U.S. population comes from single-parent households.
Some women choose to become single mothers because they believe it’s the only way they’ll have children, while others don’t have much choice due to their circumstances. One thing is certain—being a single mother comes with unique challenges, and it’s important to be prepared for everything when deciding to become a parent.
When a woman reaches the age of 35, her chances of conceiving naturally decrease compared to her twenties. At this age, she might need the help of a fertility specialist. Artificial insemination is an option for women who don’t have a suitable partner, but they need to carefully choose a sperm donor and consider the legal implications, as the donor might not be involved in the child’s life.
If the court doesn’t grant sole custody to the mother, the father still has the right to be involved in his child’s life. Finances are another critical factor; supporting a child is expensive. A single mother should have enough savings to cover at least six months of rent and other household expenses, including utilities.
We know many single mothers who share similar experiences. Take Ellen, for example. Despite the joy and pride of sharing moments with her child, she sometimes wished there was a father figure to share those experiences with. Ellen remained single throughout her thirties and felt her biological clock ticking. The thought of never having a child was unbearable, so she decided to have a baby on her own.
Ellen went through four years of fertility treatments, five IVF cycles, and three failed pregnancies before finally having her child, which cost her around $54,000. Her daughter brought immense joy into her life, but Ellen worried about not earning enough money to properly care for her. She found living in a small apartment and relying on friends’ husbands for help with minor tasks frustrating.
Her story is familiar to many single mothers. Some days, she doesn’t even have time to brush her hair after getting her toddler ready. At the end of the day, there’s no father to help with bedtime routines or hear about her day. A single mother has to handle all the chores alone—laundry, cleaning, dishes, and finding lost items.
Before her child was born, Ellen’s social life was simple: dinners with friends, movies, and quiet nights at home with a book. Now, her life revolves around green tea, migraines, and exhaustion. She still believes her soulmate is out there but doesn’t have the time to look for him anymore. Over time, she has learned about courage, determination, commitment, loneliness, focus, resourcefulness, and resolve.
Ellen has found reliable men to help with tasks like assembling IKEA furniture for her toddler’s room, but their help doesn’t replace having a father figure. Not long ago, her daughter’s nursery school teacher showed pictures to the kids and asked if any of them had a daddy who shaves every morning. While other children spoke up, Ellen’s daughter was confused and stayed quiet.
When her daughter shared this story, all Ellen could do was reassure her of her love. Ellen discovered that being a single mother is equally agonizing, complex, and wonderful but not without certain challenges. Being a parent brings joy, emotional highs and lows, and practical hardships, and these challenges are even greater for single parents, but it’s still worth it!